A first love or a first experience?

The year is 2013 and I am definitely bored... The island I was living in at the moment is quite "nothing new", beach, bars,tourists and that's about it. I was a teacher at a private school here, however I'm simply bored so I went through the list of blocked contacts on Facebook and one caught my attention. I used to be very reserved so if some guy tried to approach me I would be very reserved, I hadn't come to terms with the fact I was gay but living alone kinda sparked a different state of mind. So on my blocked list I saw somebody cute, unblocked him ans wrote him a message back. Few minutes later I got a response and we started talking  more and more everyday, long story short we became a couple but we were leaving in different cities, not a real problem I had a good salary and was able to afford trips back and forth for him and not me becayse I had a busy schedule. When he came to visit me we went everywhere, we ate wherever and whatever we wanted  , money was not a problem, he would get drunk and I'd deal with it, put him to bed and make breakfast.

I never realized how far I had fallen, I was turning into a wife/husband under the conventional definition of both what I mean is that I was cooking, cleaning, providing and being a moral support but I still had none. He said and always thought he was being there for me, but whenever I tried to communicate he would make it about him and then I would turn into a cushion again. This went on for 8 months and I'm not even telling you about how jealous he used to be. I don't have the conventional look of the people from the country I live in. I'm skinny, blonde, blue eyes so when I walk on the street people tend to stare, Ok, maybe not stare but at least "glance" so naturally whenever I felt eyes on me I looked up, whoever it might have been it was just a simple reflex, but he would het mad at me and then just stop talking to me for a while because he always thought I eas looking to cheat on him like his ex did. In my mind it never ocurred to cheat on him and you know what 3 years after and I still get scared of looking up I guess you can say I'm living with side effects. I simply wanted support and I ended up becoming a column to the Parthenon. I guess I expected more than what I got.